Unfortunate Self

GrifaRant

In the mornings I take my daily mob and enjoy the Yakima Valley rolling hills and beautiful Valley. Im so luck to live here. Well, the fact that I have a son here excited me and it scares me.  I love the 509 Yakima Valley and throughout central washington... okay... just the state and region are beautiful :) but anyways like I was saying....

Im trippin on the bullets in the air,
the way motherfuckas stare,
touch me if you dare,
dope and snitches everywhere...
cellblocks mumbing prayers...
uncover internal layer...
disciplined players-
The 509 so unaware-
of  dusty roads and torn up body
left from outlook tweeker parties-
In Loving Memory of Kika-
Miklo and Angel will always know their tia-
And let me tell you mija, they can't wait to meet you...
but that all when the time blesses us
cant live life to dangerous
but sometimes that not intentional
its what the hynas around her consider presidential
dressing lil babies like homies all peloncitos
and the system, how they treat us
can't understand us and can't delete us
Its not my sons fault he was a chicano fetus
his crime was his skin
to brown to fit in
aimed for by the haters
so I oppose all  clan demonstrators
Networking with firme hynas
treat the issue with the worst behind us :)

all smiles

damn, Im super excited about all the wonderful things happening right now in my life... in two weeks I will be in LA with the homegirl Mona and I will have the opportunity to document chicano rap music and barrio culture! to think this started for me a year ago and here I am today.... feeling proud that through my efforts others are benefiting :) I guess thats what its all about "everyone coming up together" :)

puto

You're a bitch,
un puto
vales verga
I hate you,
I trusted you
I hate me
for trusting you
you bitch
looser
punkass motherfucker I never wanna know shit about you again...

session 1

Im excited to see what the fuck it gonna happen in my life next. 

Two years ago I wrote something on my wall..."FAMOUS FAMILY FROM THE 509" and the other day someone I admire... who lives no where near me not only extended his love and support my way, but he asked me bout the 509 in general... about my sisters work... :) I geeked out on that.  I love that feeling... feeling of excitement :) I know that when you are thankful for what you have, you get blessed with more and more...

In the past, I'd fuck up and give a fuck about stupid ass vatos... I'd loose my identity trying to help them find theirs... Something I fight within myself... I throw myself in things... (with all my heart). I learned  long time ago not to trust motherfuckers, because they hustle... thats what I learned from the streets... but fuck, I wanna trust... I wanna find a bad ass vato... an artist that tokes and paints... gets lost with me... we discuss friday, los 3 grandes de mexico, what it is to be xican@s... he lights sage and knows how to please me in every way... not only feeding me knowledge, but nourishing my soul with his words and tounge... (Oh yes, He is sooooo attracted to me... loves my scent, my eyes, my voice, my words... y ideas...) all I want to do is love us :)

(*simon, estoy de grifa)

From a G to a Leva

Damn the homegirl broke my heart...

Call her a leva.
Call her a bitch.
Never thought that could happen...

But when vatos are involved, somehow it brings out the worst in ppl...

So now she aint my sunshine...
now she aint my Lil' G :(

She's a slobb like the rest of them...
Fuck it...
In the end she prolly would have left me hanging in a worst way...

It was pretty bad this time around...

Just going on,...

I havent used this the way that I should... the way I had envisioned... I wanted an outlet of some sort... so here I am again... scratching at my bones trying to awaken something deep within.  Ive been on a "body for life challenge" with my lil sis Bashi and so far Ive lost 14 pounds.  Damn, that shit is amazing to me.  The food I eat is bomb and workouts with my carnalita are fun and engaging :)  I know that this consciousness in what I eat had also affected those around me... Beva and Lala are now taking the challenge too and just today I found out that another homegirl of ours up north is doing the challenge as well.  Simon, so its setting off a chain-reaction :)  All good! All good because this summer is gonna be the best ever... this Spring, I get to work with so many amazing people doing so much creatively that it inspires me and dares me to want and reach for more and more...

Im thinking... fuck it, do it up like you thought I would :)

Neta, it makes me feel good to have gente recognize me for the work I do.  I dont think it's bad or egotistical to enjoy that appreciation :) Thank you for the love and support for those of you who show it.  Haha, I was having a session with the homegirl and some of her girls came through the pad... all of a sudden they are talking about taking flickas and that they see my sister Beva all over the internet... finally, homegirl just says "I didn't know if it was you.... how much would you charge me?" lol Damn why does everyone have a worried for on their face when they ask me how much I charge for a session... Typically, I charge $100 a session... and that involves me meeting up with the client, custom editing and enhancements... my pieces are like art to me and I "polish them" :) Sometimes (like now) I have "sales" I hold with Lala... promotional type work to expand our clientele. If homegirls get together I can do "picture parties" and its great for ladies nights out and purse parties even passion parties... we'd set up a scene and everyone gets a photoprint package... let's say someone had a "pin-up theme" all the invited would dress accordingly and we'd do a shoot :) Also, babyshower... and well, you get the picture :) Picture Parties with firme509.com start at $150 and if you're interested hit me up on the side :)

Agh... aver, que mas?  Oh' yeah, I really need to work on changing my ideas of Chicano men.  I believe that I am on the verge of loosing all hope.  I thinking that most of them are babies and all of them are just idiots.  I love them to death anyway, but nevertheless... yeah' I gotta do something about that.....

(thats my Washingtonero right there :) I love you Noah Andre Capone.

Vatos...

I went to check out the homegirl today... haven't spent time with her in years.  I seen her in the home life... with three babies... three kids that her and the homeboy are raising... Damn, they have been together for years.  They've gone through so much, but honestly, Im glad that they are still making it work.  That they came together for the children and I caught them checking themselves... talking about life when they "use to" drink... orale, I must be getting old... I was happy for them :)  (((Got me thinking about my future... about family life... about me and my man David)))

Then I started to listen to my ex's messages... Fuck, I feel like I may be too hard on him.  He's a fucked up... lol... un pinche callejero/malandrino... up to no good... but while I review the last few messages on the phone.... I see that besides most of them being from him... he asks to me to bring his boy around so we can all chill... the night]he got locked up, the message on the phone was up beat and said he wanted us to drink and he wanted to spend time with our son.  Usually when he has said that, I'll give him an opportunity and he'll do good a few days... maybe a week and thats it... I guess its the nature of the vato... these days he's got all kinds of hoes... chale con eso, le dijo... good luck to him... :)

Y luego... un vato that I have known for sometime... un vato del otro lado... we got to chatting today... damn, I dunno if I was just real emotional or what, but I cried on the phone with him today... He got me thinking of the future and I just dont know what to think right now...

My vato... no, he's no cholo... bearly cusses... but I know he's got love for me... I know it.  I know he's good for me... I know it... I know it... David, I'm sorry for the confusion. There is so much I need to work on... thank you for being patient pa'! You show me everyday I made the right choice... Thank you for taking a risk on me... I know Im not what you are use too... Hey, that makes two of us... but we both have similar goals and keep the conversation hott!!! ;)

A lot of things came to light today...

I got the answer to a question I didnt ask, but wanted to know... I heard his messages on the phone and I remembered how much you meant to me at one time.... 

Photoshoot you always wanted!!!!

Since the sitio isnt up right now (its under construction) ... but simon, I am always booking photoshoots...

for individuals here are the prices:

PACKAGE A                                                                                   PACKAGE C

$75                                                 $150

4- 8x12s                                                                                  8- 8x12s

4- 5x7                                                                                      8- 5x7s

16- Wallets                                                                              32- Wallets

                                                                                                TWO POSTER SIZE 12x18s

(four poses)

                                                                                                (eight poses)

PACKAGE B

$100

Compact Disk with 8-10 digitally enhanced images, rights to reprint, 8-10 5x7 prints

Every package includes free digital enhancements- We complete the photos shoot with special editing which includes: sepia, sepia with color highlights, black and white, black & white with color highlights, soft glow and touch-ups.

...

Gotta be honest with myself and take control of everything around me.  I believe in the "law of attraction"... I believe we need direction in order to move forward.  Even though, this morning Noah missed his bus and I drove him out to school... on my way back I took another road just because mornings in the Yakima Valley are a gift from GOD.... on that drive I got an answer to a question I had on my mind for several months.... how amazing is that?  So the morning continued to be a progressive one... Today, I think Im gonna go on a drive and get lost with the Nikon :) But not before I grab some bomb ass waffles and coffee...

I started writings this with one subject in mind... "pee-wees and OGs" and I couldnt bring myself to discuss that subject further... Lets see if I "woman up" later this afternoon!!!

((postin flicks of me!!))

February Free Photoshoot Contest

Send us a "fan sign" to be entered to win a free photshoot by Firme509.com Studios... must say "Firme509.Com Studios" and the sign must be hand written no computer manipulations.... you can enter as many times as you like... Contest Ends: 02/28/11

Include your name and contact information
ONLY the winner will be notified!
Good Luck everyone!!!!

send all fan signs to : waxicana@hotmail.com

Barrio Culture Photography

Tattoo Trades :)

Just to let you know, I trade tattoos for photoshoots.... I have been approached by many tattoo artist and tattoo shops over the years and I decided then, that I'd love to sport the art of someone whose art I've capture with my lens :) Here is an example of my work :)

On the Cholo Syndrome

Today, I was having trouble looking over old videos of him. I thought, for a second, that it wouldn't hurt as much as it did.  All the time we spent together seems like a old dream... I wonder if his love was ever real. I mean genuine.  He got my name tattooed, asked me to marry him (more than once)... I thought that our lives were perfect.  I guess it's healthy to feel bad about the situation (even now).  I need to work through all these feelings (I think) to be able to move on without doubt and resentment. 

I've had some fucked up things happen to me in the past... I've been through heartbreak before, you know... I got through it... I cried it out, talked it out and even got a tattoo to help me realize I was "still standing" despite what had occurred.... despite the fact that I was dying inside. I had felt soooooo betrayed and it happened again.... the vato that I was with for 5 fucken years just bitched out on me... just like that. Couldn't face me... won't tell me that he cheated on me....  that jerk... haha. I'm a big girl and like my lil sobrina reminds me "Big girls, don't cry" :) (unless they are pedas as fuck and she is bumping some Vicente Fernandez :))

dedication: "Aca Entre Nos"

Me and my sisters call it the "cholo syndrome"... a vato goes up to an unsuspecting mujer and he pimps himself out to her.  If she has an income, he will live off of her.  I dunno if this is true everywhere, but it seems like it's strong here in the 509.  Unfortunately, our society has taught young brown men, that their place is in the pinta or as a full time cholo... I dont know too many vato locos that work a fulltime job, go to school and provide for their familias....

The cholo syndrome prevents that....

It causes them to believe that they are alone- may be cold to a sincere mujer and loyal only to the tecatos/pandilleros that line the streets (seeking love in empty relationships with like-minded lost boys)... and when they get caught up, it's la mujer or their mothers to the rescue... la mujer is expected to "hold it down" while her "street soldier" does his time... she takes on his name... he needs her for fuckin and a warm bed.... she needs him because she is either insecure/broken, is still a lil ass girl (under 18) or hasn't learned her lessons from the last idiots that took advantage of her...

Was I a victim?  Shit, if I was, it was my own fault... with this vato... I thought I had it all... He was nurturing, intelligent and mine (I told myself)... in reality- I dodged a bullet... He was actually selfish, a manipulator and a cheater... Neta, it prolly wouldnt have been a strong union and I realized its because I still havent unlearned the junk from the last relationship.  I carry bullshit from vato to vato... chale... like I told him... I do better by myself... and I do...  Fuck yeah I do....

I've been warned about posting personal shit from my life on the net... these crazy psycho bitches learn everything I post and blast me on the net... I use to have a blog I kept private, pero... I love to document and share barrio culture and I think it was about time I created this blog... I figure-- Barrio Culture that affect my life...

Talking to my girls over the years, the interest in cholos has steadily declined.  Little by little my girls see that there is nothing to profit from a relationship like this... que tristeza... because these guys are fine as hell... I love the way a cholo dresses, BUT

...for the first time in my life,  I am actually telling friends to hook me up with "squares"... I'll take an L7 any day :)  Before a bald head and dickies was a requirement.... now, avato has to have a job to get my number....

well... blah-blah.... It's getting late... and I gotta be up in a few hours... gotta pay some bills, drive noah to school... head out to get tatted up and then maybe to a movie with a homeboy :)

Stay up everyone! Aqui los dejo con unas firme flickas (all done by me-hehehe):







(above is the homie Serio, the one whose gonna tat me up today... check out his shop in Tappas-STREET INK)

In Loving Memory Project

­­In Loving M

­­In Loving Memory Project

A collaboration effort between firme509.com studios and northwestgangs.com

Collecting images to record and show respect to fallen homies.  We are now opening a “call out” to join the project.

If you have had a dear friend/homie/family member pass away (keyword being homie) and would like to show respect to your fallen soldier, by remembering them and joining this project- contact waxicana@hotmail.com.  Firme509.com Studios will being setting up photoshoots at gravesites, and sites where memorial alters have been set up… also collecting RIP tattoos…. The purpose of this project is simply to show respect to those who have lost their lives and document the homies that carry on their memory.

Photos to be shared by Brad of northwestgangs.com and Nena of firme509.com studios/esafirmehyna.com/digitalchola.com

HERE’S WHAT YOU DO:

e-mail Waxicana@hotmail.com and  include the following: your name/tag name, phone number, best time to call, who you would like remembered (include as much information as you can), who will be in the photoshoot and we will get back to you as soon as possible.

For more information, call or text Nena at 509.910.2881

Also FYI, there is NEVER a charge to document a homies funeral in the Yakima Valley…. Funeral shoots are free of charge in the Valley… If you would like prints, contact me for pricing.  Thank you!

Props to Viviana Ramirez

It seems like its always a joke, when you see a chola in the media.  They(we) are portrayed as clowns, as ignorant lil welfare cases, who don't grab the English or Spanish language.  I search the internet everyday for cholas who represent the culture at its truest form.  On one of my journeys I ran across this talented Chicana from the Southwest.

Check out her brilliant collection: